State Of Numb Undone

We've recently had a new team from Tennessee join us this week. I've never met anyone from Tennessee but after meeting the team I can say they are some of the friendliest people I have ever met. The second day of knowing them I had already felt like I'd known them forever.  They've already invited us to visit them in January. I think Crystal and I are seriously considering taking them up on the offer.

The goal this team has is something I admire greatly. They're main focus for this trip is to build relationships. In my opinion, building relationships is what it's all about because it will leave a lasting impression. Building a relationship with the community will last longer then anything you could ever hand out for free. I know this is a little off topic but I want everyone to know I'm currently in the middle of a book called When Helping Hurts. I have already learned so much about poverty and I'm not even half way through the book. I recommend the book to anyone who is interested in taking a mission trip and I recommend you read it before you go. It will open your eyes to issues most people don't know about poverty and offer solutions too. I wouldn't be surprised if I found out someone on this team has read the book.



At the beginning of the week the team traveled to Luly to help the community clean up the local soccer field. After the local kids helped them clear the fields the team then presented them with new soccer goals. I was really impressed that the soccer goals were not just handed to the locals for free but that they had to put in some work to earn them. The team has also been keeping busy working on projects at Tree of Life such as painting and building a few pieces of furniture. As for the interns, we've been eating, sleeping, breathing, and living every moment in Luly. Not really, but a lot of our time has been spent there. We are currently in the midst of surveying the village. Some of the questions we ask cover hygiene practice, literacy, schooling, cooking, toileting, basic things we all practice everyday. I have to admit I was not excited about this survey in the beginning because I knew it would take away from being able to do nursing but now that I'm physically in Luly sitting down with families and asking intimate questions about their lives I'm starting to appreciate it. I'm building relationships. This project has forced me to sit down, talk to people, and take things slow. I love it. Every other project I've done has been get in, get out mentality and very fast paced, like America. Our team leader, Derek, has pressed on about the survey and at first I was annoyed but now I have to thank him because building relationships is what it's all about.

Today was not just another day in Haiti, it was something different. Roberson, Derek, Alex, Shaun, and I started our day off at the bank. Since the tropical storm is coming everyone has slightly panicked and has been loading up on money, food, water, etc so the bank was packed. We decided to multitask and visit a village in Nazon to do medika mamba while Derek stood in line at the bank. I'm sure everyone is aware of medika mamba at this point but just to refresh everyone it is a feeding program in which a specialized peanut butter is fed to young malnourished children to help them gain weight rapidly. We currently have one baby on medika mamba who lives in Nazon with her mother and siblings. When we arrived we greeted the mother, measured and weighed the child, took a photo, then left. This week the baby did not gain weight because the mother said she has started throwing up again and she also exhibited a severe respiratory infection. I told the mother we could bring her medication the next time we visited. I know the baby needs more then just antibiotics though. She needs to go to a hospital because her vomiting won't stop and it's not due to improper feeding techniques. I know I'm a nurse and my job is to heal but I felt helpless and had the strongest urge to run away from this problem. I find myself questioning whether we are creating dependency with our giving. If I give the mother money to go to the hospital will she always depend on me financially for her childrens health? Will the rest of the community expect me to give them money too? What happens when I leave and no one is here to support this family? How can I make it so they can support themselves? What is Right? What is Wrong?

Halfway back to pick up Derek from the bank I suddenly had a thought hit me. What the heck am I doing? I don't even know this babies name let alone her mothers name. I don't know anything about this family yet I have been visiting them for 3 weeks. What is wrong with me? Why haven't I taken the time to get to know this family? I should at least be praying for them, with them, after each session for their health and everything else. I should be sitting down and taking the time to hear not only their needs but just hear about them. I've been so cold and closed off with my emotions that I'm now kicking myself in the teeth. It has been so easy for me to become numb to my surroundings; to close off everyone else's problems but my own. How selfish of me.

Tonight we had devotions with the team. The overall question of the night was where did you see God today? I came into the devotion numb to my emotions and started sharing my story about the drive home from Nazon. I was only a minute in when I felt my chest become heavy and extreme sadness swept over me. I couldn't help it; I started crying. I was crying for the baby and her mother. I was crying for children who beg on streets. I was crying for Tree of Life. I was crying for Stephan and his family. I was crying for the man in the wheelchair. I was crying for everything I realized was sad when I saw it but didn't have the emotion to feel it. It was too much to hold in any longer. I realized earlier in the day how numb I've been throughout my time here but even after realizing it my emotions were absent until tonight. I feel like I have just been slapped in the face by God saying What the heck are you doing Bre?! I think my heart has been opened and I'm slowly learning that I don't have to be afraid to love others back. Love comes from relationships not material things. We all know this but apply it to a third world country. I've realized what I need to do and I want to thank God for giving me the courage to show emotion and feel again.